THIS VENTURE OF
A day in the life
I've talked to a lot of people back home recently and the number one question is 'How's it going?' My initial response is always 'good.' However, the truth is most of my time here I feel completely inadequate.
Inadequate (adj) : lacking the quality or quantity required;
insufficient for a purpose.
The honest truth is that there are days that I wake up thinking that the Lord should have picked a better person for this ministry. That the kids I teach deserve a better teacher and leader. That the staff here deserves a better addition to their team.
I'd like to say that these thoughts don't come to my mind often but that would be a lie. I face the feeling of inadequacy quite often but let me tell you how good our God is to me. It's in those moments of feeling insufficient, that I open up the Bible to read His Word and He reveals His love for me. The truth is, I am inadequate. I don't know what I'm doing most of the time but God does. It's in His word that I read His promises. Take a glimpse into my morning devotions:
"In my distress I cried to the Lord, and He heard me"
"When my heart is overwhelmed; Lead me to the rock that is higher than I"
"But those who wait on the Lord shall renew their strength; They shall mount up with wings like eagles, they shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not faint"
"You are My servant, I have chosen you and have not cast you away; Fear not, for I am with you; Be not dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, yes, I will help you, I will uphold you with My righteous right hand"
"But now, thus say the Lord, who created you, O Jacob, and He who formed you, O Israel: Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by your name; You are Mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; And through the rivers, they shall not overflow you. When you walk through the fire, you shall not be burned, Nor shall the flame scorch you. For I am the LORD your God, The Holy One of Israel, your Savior"
I wish I could give you all the scriptures that the Lord has given me over these three weeks. I wish you could be sitting next to me as my eyes fill up with tears because of God's goodness. I wish that you could experience the sweetness of each promise that is given at the exact moment that it's needed. You see, the verses above are verses that I've read countless of times. However, in re-reading these verses recently, I've found a fulfillment and comfort that can only be given through God alone.
So yes, most days I struggle with the thoughts that I am not good enough but I read His word and know that He is. I trust in the fact that He has called me to be in Croatia at this time. I also trust in the fact that even in my inadequacy, He is faithful to use me in whichever way He pleases.
" My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore, most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me." (2 Cor 12:9)
It's in this feeling of inadequacy that I've had to learn to keep my eyes on God alone. It's in the moments that I've wanted to quit and go home, that I've had to remember His promises and His faithfulness to complete them. There is nothing that I desire more than that God would be glorified in all that I say and do. That desire can only take place, however, once I've fully surrendered everything over to the Creator of the universe, my Savior. It takes full surrender of the thoughts I have, of the desires I want, of the work I do, of the time I posses, of the words that I use, and of every second of every day. Don't get me wrong, I'm still learning how to do this. Each day though, it's getting a little easier to hand everything over.
I'm taking this venture of faith one day at a time. Trusting that the Lord will supply all that I need, even when I don't know what I need. So I encourage you to do the same. Not because I've heard that God is faithful but because I've experienced it first hand. I want nothing more than for you to be able to experience too. So be in His Word, consistently. Learn to surrender everything over to him. Learn to trust Him. Put yourself in situations where He is all you have, even if it means you feel completely inadequate. It's in those times that the Lord is ever present.
Turn your eyes upon Jesus
Look full on His wonderful face
And the things of Earth will go strangely dim
In the light of His glory and grace.